Sacrifice and Addiction to Sugar and Phone

I wrote a private blog post yesterday, I needed to sort stuff in my mind, but I want to share some of it now after experiencing the joy that came from it. (If you don’t read the post I wrote the day before about “do high expectations cause anxiety and perfectionism,” please do – those were hard-learned lessons I hope to share with other moms)

Some background information about this topic first…

I signed up for a “healthy eating challenge” – the focus for the first week is to eat less than 25 grams of added sugars per day (sugars naturally in food don’t count). Well, this has been somewhat hard at times (especially on Monday when the kids made chocolate chip cookies…my favorite), but I have been able to do it. I think I have a bit of an addiction to sugar, but I am taking it a week at a time. Anyway, Tuesday I got on my phone a lot. My phone goals had been pretty slack before this, but Tuesday I noticed I was substituting one addiction/numbing behavior for another.

But I didn’t want to commit to stopping the phone thing again. I was tired of making that commitment and failing again and again. So I kept using my phone to distract myself from sugar and unpleasant thoughts.

The entire day felt pretty blah. I guess that is the natural effect of numbing. I went to bed that night pondering on how long I wanted to keep a phone addiction. What if I ignored it one day after another and looked back one day wondering how much of my kids’ sweet moments I’d missed because I was reading stuff on the Internet. How many more moments did I want to lose? But I was afraid. I was losing confidence in myself and my ability to kick this.

I put on some headphones and listen to some spiritual music as I laid in bed. I don’t know if I heard the words, or just remembered that: “with God, nothing is impossible.” We had studied the talk, “What lack I yet” during devotional that morning. I knew what I lacked – I knew my step had to be to put my phone away. My family was also slipping into to much Internet time and I knew change had to start with me.

The following morning, I felt inspired to study “sacrifice” a little more deeply. Following are some of the thoughts I wrote from that study yesterday…
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I have made a covenant with God. That is no light thing. I have promised Him to keep His commandments, to care for the people around me, to sacrifice (that I love Him more than any other thing – that I am willing to give up anything that is his will – to learn about myself-what am I willing to offer Him?), to consecrate my time and energy to building His Kingdom.

it is through the medium of the sacrifice of all earthly things that men do actually know that they are doing the things that are well pleasing in the sight of God

… When a man has offered in sacrifice all that he has for the truth’s sake, not even withholding his life, and believing before God that he has been called to make this sacrifice because he seeks to do his will, he does know, most assuredly, that God does and will accept his sacrifice and offering, and that he has not, nor will not seek his face in vain. 

BLESSINGS of Sacrifice:
-see the face of God
-know I am in good standing with him
-come to know the Lord
-become more holy or sacred,  sacrifice=make sacred
-a broken heart and a contrite spirit – give up all that is ungodly
-brings forth the blessings of Heaven
-a new person – justified, sanctified, born again

“The sacrifice the Lord asks of us is to wholly rid ourselves of the “natural man” (Mosiah 3:19) and all the ungodliness associated with it.”

The degree of our love for the Lord and for our fellowman can be measured by what we are willing to sacrifice for them. Sacrifice is a demonstration of pure love.

When I ask “what lack I yet?” it is that I must give up numbing with my phone.

My action plan today is to use it during the day for the tools on my home screen (lists, calendar, text, phone, books, music, scriptures, timer, etc) except for once in the morning, once in the afternoon (at the assigned place in my priority list) and once before I go to bed. I will pray before each time I use it (this will help me remember to pray morning noon and night).  If I find I need to use it in between those times, I will pray then too. I will offer gratitude and plead for strength in these prayers. I will set a social media limit if I choose to get on it at these designated times.

So, to summarize:
1. 3× per day I will allow for off home screen use.
2. Pray (gratitude and strength) every time I go to get off the homescreen…and set a limit.
3. I will evaluate how it went and make adjustments tomorrow.

I know it shouldn’t be this hard, but I am addicted. My brain craves it when I feel any unwanted emotion. This makes it tricky.
But with God, nothing is impossible. 
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I went forward with my day. And I guess what I wanted to share is that God is SO quick to bless a renewed commitment. He is so quick to forgive. He is so anxious to help.

I remember getting in the car to go pick Cassia up from seminary and feeling an abundance of joy as I looked around me. I felt to thank God for the gift of grace and how quickly it came into a repentant heart.

I had a very clingy toddler yesterday. She wanted to be held a lot and kept wanting my attention. I had a lot I wanted to get done but I can’t hold her in one arm and clean with the other anymore. She is just getting too heavy for me. I started to get kind of frustrated with her a few times. Until I realized I could practice patience and remember that in nurturing my little girl, I was getting the most important things done.

You know what? Somehow I was able to finish most of the stuff on my priority list and I still had time to dance and have tickle fights with her. I felt so much love through my day.

There was one time that seemed like a good time to get on my phone in the day, but I remembered to pray first, and a couple things popped in my mind that I should do before Internet/email time. The joy I felt as I went to do those things far exceeded any momentary distraction I would have received from my phone at that time.

I feel sorry of silly sharing all this. I know to most it will probably seem like I am making a big deal out of nothing. But I just feel like rejoicing in the goodness of God in blessing me with a renewed passion for life, a joy in the small things, an increase in love and sensitivity to beauty, and a renewed hope – all for my willingness to sacrifice this one small, little thing.

He is so good to me.

(BTW, I wrote a post about our family work system and then somehow deleted it, so I will post it as soon as I work up the gumption to write it again).