A while back, I wrote a “Letter to Virtuous Young Ladies” asking them to help the young men. Most young women do not realize the power they have on the young men around them- for good or ill. Since writing that letter, I have noticed quite a few ways that the ladies could use some help from the young men in their lives. Most young men do not see how much they influence the young women around them.
Dear Young Men,
You may not be aware of how much the girls in your life are watching you – not in a creepy “I-just-like-to-look-at-him-and-hope-he-flexes-his-biceps” sort of a way, but they watch what interests you and what you seek.
They want your encouragement. Girls should learn that their sense of worth cannot come from a guy, that they must get it from developing a strong testimony and relationship to their Heavenly Father, but even girls who know this could really use some strength from the men around them in remembering who they are and what they are fighting for.
When I was in my teens, if I learned that a guy I admired liked a certain football team, I liked that football team too (even if I’d never seen them play), I listened to the music I discovered that he liked, and I tried to be like the girls he paid attention to. Not all of this was done consciously – it was just a natural part of being a teenage girl. I wanted to be liked by the young men around me so liking what they liked felt natural. It sounds a little crazy, I know. But you would be surprised at how much the girls around you do similar things.
You do not know the extent of your influence.
You live in a time where there is much gender role confusion and women are being told that they don’t need men – that they can do it all themselves. It’s a lie. It is a mean, tough, hard world out there. These young ladies are being attacked with lies about their worth, their value, their behavior, their looks. They could really use your reassurance and courage.
Many young ladies I know have quotes and pictures in their room to remind them of what really matters – because the messages bombarding them in the world tell them that what actually matters is being skinny, attractive, and immodest in their behavior, speech and dress to get the attention of the men they don’t need in their lives.
So what message are you sending them?
Do they see you giving your attention to the girls who act this way? Who dress to attract attention to their bodies, who speak to draw attention to themselves at the expense of others (they gossip or focus on their own problems to get your pity, or they text or call you often to keep your attention on them), who behave in ways that seek to distract you from who you are – so you can focus on them (touch you all the time, dance/hug inappropriately, stand and sit really close to you, follow you around)? If these are the girls you ask to dance, ask on dates, always talk to and spend your time on – you are sending them and all the girls around them the message that this is what you value and want from them.
They get yet another witness (from guys they respect) that their worth comes from their body and by attracting men with immodest behavior. They get the message that they have to be the tough ones – the ones who pursue. The other day I heard one of my daughter’s friends say, “I don’t want to act that way, but it is tempting to when you see all the attention those girls get.”
And this feeds you a lie too. These attentions give you a fake sense of what you have to offer. Why go fight and work to be worthy of a girl someday when they are already throwing themselves at you? But you have to understand that these girls are confused. Girls who act this way do not respect you for who you are or your divine potential (or they wouldn’t be distracting you from it), they value you for what you can do for them (give them the attention and acceptance they crave). You do not actually have what they need. They just imagine that you do.
So what to do? All girls are of infinite worth and ought to be respected, despite their behavior. I read a book a while back in which a superficial kind of girl (Fanny) really admired, respected and came to love a very good man (Mr. Sydney). He was nice to her, as he was to all girls, but he showed his admiration for a different girl (Polly) who cared about others and tried to do right. Fanny finally realized that what made Polly stand out to him was virtue and she started seeking that virtue as well.
Mr. Sydney was attracted to Polly because he was virtuous himself. What kind of girls are you attracted to? Do you show them that you appreciate their efforts in this difficult war they are fighting? They are future mothers – the attacks on them are cruel, difficult and relentless. They need your encouragement and esteem as fellow warriors.
You live in a hard time to be a man. But be one anyway. Don’t buy into the lies that you are not needed and your choices don’t matter. Your example is desperately needed by these young ladies and the men around you. Stand for virtue and help strengthen those around you who are trying to do the same. Watch your motives. It is so tempting to be around those who stroke your ego with a false sense of being needed as a foundation or desired as a companion. They need God first. But they do so need your fortitude as you point them to Him through your example and efforts. Once that heavenly bond is strong in both of you, you will need each other to lead a family to fight for good in this increasingly false world.
They need your encouragement. This world is so cruel. Please don’t leave them to fight alone.
With love,
A Mother of Daughters
Learning Love - My Story 